Old Jessica vs. New Jessica

Since having Ben, I've been a little...obsessed with my new life as his mom.  Maybe "obsessed" isn't the right word, but definitely "focused", on him and only him.  I think that being pregnant forces most women into a little bit of an identity crisis.  We go from being ourselves, to being this constantly changing, edited version of ourselves.  We go from taking care of and worrying about just US, to having to be mindful of every food we consume, every physical action we take...all while our physical appearance is changing and hormones are raging.

And then you have your baby, and it's as if nothing else matters.  Except it does!  Your relationship, your friendships, your job, staying healthy, your appearance, your hobbies - they all still matter!  It's just hard to remember to devote the time to all of those things in the way you used to!

I find myself getting distracted from things a lot easier than I used to.  I used to have a lot of things on my plate, and for the past three months it has been all about Ben!  What a nice break from it all it has been, but soon (as in now) I need to get back into the practice of doing other things.

I have unfortunately worked more during my maternity leave than I ever intended to, and while it has been nice financially (and perhaps good practice for when I'm back and working from home), I have also resented the fact that I've spent so much time doing it.  This week I had an in-person meeting that I attended, and while leaving Ben was difficult, I have to admit that it was REALLY good for me. 

Ben stayed at home with my mom.  I was able to get dressed, leave the house with my purse instead of my diaper bag, listen to music loudly in the car, and then sit in a room with my coworkers and focus on our plan for 2012.  It was nice.  I of course missed my little guy, but it was nice to spend a few hours as the old Jessica, accomplishing things at work, and then be able to return to him.

I had lost all sense of who I am (which is easy to do when you are spending so much time with your baby!) but I was happy to have that small piece of me back.

I am going to try to remember to get out more.  I'm taking Rachel's offer to watch Ben next week so I can go to a yoga class.  I'm going to try to utilize Greg's offers more often on the weekends to go out and do stuff (once in awhile!).  And I can happily say now, returning to work in the office 3 days a week is not going to be the WORST thing in the world.