Hormone City

Oh boy.

It's probably common knowledge that pregnancy can lead to "mood swings", "irritability" and being extra emotional overall.  I had kind of expected to have a few moments of this, but I had No. Idea. what I was in store for.  I would say that the last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster in my brain.  Go ahead and ask anyone that I talk to on a daily basis for verification of this, and I'm certain they will back me up. 

For the first two trimesters, I felt normal (mostly).  I think during the first 12 weeks, I was still getting used to the idea of being pregnant!  I had not told work yet and was a little stressed about what their reaction would be.  Plus, while extremely happy and excited, I was very aware of all of the changes that would be happening in our lives when a baby arrived.  I can be a bit of a control freak, and all of these out-of-control situations were about to become part of my life.  Once my maternity leave plan was established, my return-to-work situation was somewhat mapped out, and we were able to have some reassurance that things were developing healthfully with Fetus Ben, I was able to relax and enjoy myself a lot more.  (And I still maintain that yoga and making sleep a top priority has been the key to my feeling physically good for so long). 

Fast-forward to now (and the past couple weeks):  I feel like I am going crazy a lot of the time.  It's as if I am sitting on the edge of tears, and I never know what will make me cry, (or utterly tick me off).  I'm having a hard time relating to this person I have become.  It can (okay, it HAS) been something as simple as receiving a poorly phrased (yet well intentioned) text message from my poor husband, or being unable to find the tape measure I needed around the house, that will nearly send me off the deep end.  I constantly find myself asking Greg, "what is that supposed to mean" when he says something in a tone that I didn't like, or being totally irritated that he ate the rest of the salami (gross) that I had wanted to have for a snack later.

I'm blogging this in hopes that I can look back on it and laugh and how ridiculous this all really is.  I also hope that any of my friends who are or who become pregnant will be able to read this and relate to it if they  when they go through something similar.  I am lucky to have some of the world's greatest friends and family who have been able to listen to me, allow me to vent, and most importantly share their own experiences with this.  They have all reassured me that I am NOT crazy, that a lot of the burden of being pregnant (obviously) falls on us as women, and that there can be some tough times (and likely more to come).

I am lucky to be married to someone as amazing as Greg.  While he may not completely understand how my mood can swing from high to low in a matter of seconds, he is always there to give me a hug, make me laugh, rub my back, and tell me that everything is going to be okay.  He also is going to make for a spectacular father, which I cannot wait to witness.  I honestly could not (and would not) have done this without him.

So, there you go. 

My therapist friend Rachel, after hearing me out for the millionth time on this subject, reminded me of this quote from Knocked Up:

"F you, hormones.  You're a bitch, hormones".